


How you love to hate me

by Rainy_Summer17



Series: Monsta X pwp(porn without plot) [7]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Absent Parents, Abusive Parents, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angry Sex, BDSM, Bickering, Blood Kink, Blow Jobs, Bottom Yoo Kihyun, Breathplay, But not between the characters dw, But so is Changkyun, Character Development, Child Abuse, Choking, Classroom Sex, Cock Warming, Coming Untouched, Consensual Sex, Creampie, Deepthroating, Developing Relationship, Dirty Talk, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies, Enemies to Lovers, Exhibitionism, Fluff, Getting to Know Each Other, Hate Sex, Hate to Love, Kissing, Love Bites, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, M/M, Messy, Moaning, Oral Sex, Overstimulation, Party, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Plz love them they need love :(, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Prostate Milking, Public Blow Jobs, Public Sex, Self-Mutilation, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Shower Sex, Smut, Snowballing, Sub Im Changkyun | I.M, Sub Yoo Kihyun, Switching, Tears, Teasing, Top Im Changkyun | I.M, Top Yoo Kihyun, Yoo Kihyun Is a Little Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:54:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28882023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainy_Summer17/pseuds/Rainy_Summer17
Summary: Kihyun, the brilliant student and Changkyun, the troublemaker. They hate each other, yet have to stand the other's company because of their common friends.They're stuck in detention together and the fight escalates to something more.
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun
Series: Monsta X pwp(porn without plot) [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2091051
Comments: 26
Kudos: 97





	1. Detention

Kihyun hardly knew how he could have reduced himself to doing such actions. He was the best student in his class, a student adored by the teachers for his exemplary attitude as well as for his excellent grades! Even so, while Kihyun might be the sweetest being on this planet, Im Changkyun could change him in no time. He hated this boy, with all his being, and had done so for years. From the day his best friend, Jooheon, had dragged the boy to the sandbox where he and Minhyuk were playing. By some miracle, Jooheon quickly befriended him, just like Minhyuk, who befriended everyone. Even Hyunwoo, Hoseok and Hyungwonupon arriving in their group of friends, had quickly bonded with him. Yet Kihyun couldn't and never could even bear him. Im Changkyun was a haughty person, full of himself, condescending and above all spoiled rotten. In the group, he was the only one who came from a background that was not poor; on the contrary. While Kihyun sometimes struggled to even be able to buy certain essentials such as milk, bread or toilet paper, Changkyun could have the latest iPhone at the snap of his fingers. When he didn't have something in the second, it was therefore catastrophic; which made him unbearable. And again, all day long, they had been forced to tolerate each other's company because of their mutual best friends. Which therefore led to the argument they had after the departure of the latter, while they were in a detention room for the last they had in full class. Unfortunately, the argument had degenerated into a battle, while the two teenagers were on the ground, Changkyun coming to tackle the older boy.

《I'll castrate you if you just rest your playboy hands on me, Kihyun growled, knowing the boy hated being told he was a playboy.》

The blond had received this one in the heart. It was a formidable weapon his counterpart had at his disposal, and he never shied away from deploying it. However, Changkyun hated to admit being hurt. No way it seems, he said to himself, putting his hands up to the younger's throat.

《You'll see what my playboy hands will do to you, cock sucker, he replied, wrapping them around the throat of his companion, who was struggling to access the air.》

Kihyun had in mind to kick his knees between his classmate's legs, but the missing air made him squirm too much for him to do so and caused him to buck his his instead. This gesture resulted in the release of the hands of the blonde, who did not expect such a maneuver.

《Fuck you Im Changkyun, I'm already better than you at this anyway, Kihyun spat hatefully.》

《Is that so? Because someone ever wanted you? The taller one in turn mocked him, his face moving closer to that of his enemy.》

《You wouldn't say that if you had me between your legs, Changkyun. In the meantime, go back and badly fuck those bitches crumbling at your feet, asshole.》

《Badly fuck, uh? If you want I can give you a demonstration, you'll end up crying, he replied ironically.》

Changkyun's breath washed up on Kihyun's lips, as their gazes were locked into each other.

《As if you could, the younger boy laughed, looking his counterpart straight in the eye, bucking his hips back in pure provocation.》

《I'm going to fucking destroy you, Im Changkyun, finally argued Kihyun while brutally crushing his lips on those of his classmat》

The kiss they exchanged was hardly sweet; he was savage, their teeth clashing. Kihyun had also started to move his pelvis against the one of his partner, gradually making them harden.

《Fuck, Ki', Changkyun growled as he passed, though not gently, his hand under the younger's pants.》

His wrist trusts on his sex were dry and quick, although pleasant. Kihyun clung tightly to his counterpart's neck, leaving red marks there as he squirmed slightly in pleasure. It was only after a few minutes during which Changkyun also marked him that he came out of his torpor and realized his situation. There was no way he would let his worst enemy dominate him so easily! But despite that, without him really having the time to realize it, he found himself between Changkyun's legs, the latter sitting on the chair of the absent professor.

《If you are as good as you say you are, show me, he said with that horrible superior smile.》


	2. Swallow me whole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finishing this soon, enjoy the second part ;)

《I fucking hate you.》  
Kihyun spat out in anger, still moving to unbuckle Changkyun's pants. The horrible smile present on his face grew even more and the smaller man was tempted to slap him. He did not, however, and only resumed his task to take the anatomy out of his prison. It was long, thick and a bit curved. Lifting his eyes up, he met Changkyun who still had the most shit-grin eating smile on his face. It only made him roll his eyes as he got closer between the cadet's legs and inserted the tip in his mouth. Changkyun couldn't help the loud groan that escaped his lips, as soon as he felt those lips on the tip of his cock. Even if he hated the boy greatly, Kihyun couldn't deny the arousal that flooded through him as soon as he started sucking the thick girth, feeling it invade his mouth. His dick twitched from inside his jeans, and he cursed at himself mentally from getting a kick out of it.

The smallest wanted to prove the asshole in front of him that he was wrong and would never let himself be dominated by another person. Yet, Kihyun could only moan when he felt Changkyun's dick in his throat, the latter pushing his head so he'd keep it as far as he could. He could feel himself gag, tears running down his cheeks, but that only seemed to spur the youngest more. The thing he hated the most was that he himself didn't hate doing this that much; if only proven by the low moans he was letting out each time the cock went deeper. 

-Fuck, fuck, Kihyun, I'm close!

And oh, there was no way Kihyun would let Changkyun come so easily. He slipped the anatomy out of his mouth and looked at the boy in front of him with a smile. Changkyun looked furious.

-You fucking little sh-

He wanted to pounce on the smaller, yet, was flipped on his stomach by said boy. A little "oof" sound escaped him and he looked surprised, his eyes wide open. That made Kihyun smile, and he made sure that the youngest could feel his hard cock against his thigh.

-You're not the only one getting all the fun here, he replied in a sultry tone with a big smile. Changkyun wanted to fucking slap him.

-W-what?

He could only reply before he felt a cock against his ass. It made him jolt in surprise and wonder, "when did he take my clothes off?"

-Oh I'm gonna destroy you tonight. Take you until you cry.

And who was Changkyun to say no?

Yet...He had never been good at keeping his mouth close. And honestly loved making the older man angry.

-Because you think you can dom me?   
A laugh escaped his lips. Changkyun saw Kihyun's eyes darken. He knew he was about to get it.

That was what he was waiting for, actually.


	3. I like the way you bite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starting part 4 soon, stay tuned!
> 
> Changkyun finally getting disciplined by his hyung <3

So that's how Changkyun found himself crying on the teacher's desk, hands trying to grip at whatever they could reach. He was shaking, couldn't even think properly. First, he had felt Kihyun's fingers in him. And while they looked short in everyday life, god did they filled him up well. Changkyun even wondered how such a tiny man could have so much strength in his body, as he felt his own being rocked against the desk just by the older's fingers.

While many imagined Changkyun as a straight male, he wasn't and never pretended to be. He, though, never thought necessary to scream his bisexuality. He loved boys too, and even fucked many. The difference with now was that he never really bottomed, because no one ever contradicted his authority. And of all people, the person he imagined the least to really dominate him was Kihyun. Kihyun was small, full of anger, sure, but a bit like a puppy. Even if they're mad, you can't really take them seriously because they're just so cute. So, to be honest, Yoo Kihyun was the least person Im Changkyun expected to have any sort of authority over him.

But who was he to complain? Especially when Kihyun was sinking so deep into him making those just sinful sounds. He sounded so good, powerful, and the blonde never thought such primitive sounds could go out of his hyung's mouth.  
Changkyun's head was spinning, his moans escaping unwillingly from his mouth. He hastened to cover it, his eyes opening wide in fear and shock.

"Oh, Changkyun…"

The older man's voice was a little too soft, he could feel the sadistic smile on his lips without even knowing it. It didn't bode well.

-Take this hand of your mouth.

It was not a proposal, it was an order. The greatest could never have believed that his elder could be capable of such authority; it even excited him a little to tell the truth. So, despite his fear of being caught in a more than humiliating position, the young man withdrew his hand and put it on the desk. 

Fuck, has Kihyun wrecked him?

He could only see that yes when the latter resumed his violent hip thrusts. The blonde felt so full, as if her whole world now revolves around Kihyun. The older one was so rough with him, he felt he was dumping all his frustration on him; it pleased him strangely. He felt the hand fall on his butt, which made him let out a moan of surprise. He could guess his counterpart's smirk as he took to it harder, hitting his skin until he knew it was red — and quite sore.

This only increased the sound flow of his lamentations, which he now knew resonated much further. He couldn't stop Kihyun though, not when it felt so good. He felt the cock of his classmate hit his prostate violently. Through a foggy part of his brain, all he could do was beg Kihyun to go harder, to keep going. And even when Kihyun did, Changkyun kept complaining.

-I-is that all y-you've g-got, hyun-

The word wasn't even out of his mouth that a hand came to wrap around his throat. Here Kihyun was, giving everything he had to this brat and he could only keep complaining? It made the oldest's blood boil. He wanted to ruin him. 

-Shut the fuck up, Changkyun. Stop fucking talking.

And he tightened his hand. Changkyun let out a few choked sounds, eyes rolling to the back of his mind as the air went missing. He loved it, loved to be fucked so thoroughly that he couldn't do anything but to take it like a good slut. When Kihyun's hand left his throat, which felt like an eternity, the oxygen hitting his brain so suddenly made him see stars.

Changkyun drooled over the desk, fucked dumb and that was exactly what Kihyun wanted. It made him go even harder, powerful moans escaping his lips as he rocked into the thigh heat. It was so warm inside, the smaller man would never have expected his forever enemy to feel this good. And to submit so easily. It made the burning fire in his belly burn even harder as he knew he would cum soon. 

-A-ah, K-Kihyun! I-I-I'm cumming!

Those words were the only words Changkyun's brains could provide, with a litany of "Kihyun".   
"Pathetic", whispered said man in his ears as he pumped him through his climax. Changkyun swore he never came harder in his life, his mind blanking out at how good it felt and body going limp. He could hear it, Kihyun's deep groans behind him. It was like he was used as a cumdup, a toy, and he loved the sensation. 

A gasp escaped his swollen lips when he felt hot cum fill him up to the brim, dripping on his thighs and everywhere. He felt delirious with pleasure, his mind slowly coming back to him.

-Fuck…

Kihyun swore behind him as he slowly got out of the heat that enveloped him. He was panting loudly, and looking at him, Changkyun thought that it was unfair. He looked just slightly disheveled, while he, on the other hand, looked absolutely destroyed. Then, the latter said something that made Changkyun's boil:

-You know, I saw a glimpse of our science teacher by the door. I can tell you she saw you, by the look on her face. Good job explaining this to your parents, Im.

Kihyun looked incredibly satisfied, the most arrogant smile on the earth on his lips. Said boy only started dressing up, like he was about to go home and leave Changkyun like that all by himself. Oh no.

-Excuse me? 

His voice came out choked. Fuck, he knew he sounded ridiculous, and so did Kihyun. He could see the man laugh as he was putting his jeans back on.

-Like I said, good job. Have a good day~

His singing, smiling voice irritated the younger even more. He felt his blood run with anger, just like his classmate earlier. As said boy was going to exit the class, Changkyun took him by the collar and pushed him against the nearest wall. With hard, serious eyes, he looked at the smaller man. His firm grip was holding him well.

-Now I'm gonna make you scream until every single one of your teacher hear you and see how much of a fucking brat and a slut their favorite student is. You'll have some explanation to do to your beloved parents.

And he smashed his lips against the other.


	4. You can call me mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun gets it back.

Kihyun would never have thought Changkyun actually knew how to use his dick. He had known for a long time that he had a big one, it wasn't anything new(thanks to some drunken night and dares given by Minhyuk), but he always thought of Changkyun as some stupid fuckboy. One who probably fuck badly but attracts everyone because he's hot(there was no point in denying that Changkyun was hot, it was a fact. But he stayed an asshole nonetheless). Now, Kihyun knew he was wrong all along; if just the way he angled his hips showed he was really good. Never in his life had Kihyun had someone who was so able to make him lose his mind. Whether out of irritation or out of pleasure; Kihyun was discovering a whole new facade of Changkyun that was driving him crazy. He would never have believed the youngest capable of such strength. With the sheer strength of his arms, he held Kihyun against the wall while thrusting his hips several times and making him writhe in pleasure. 

It was the blond's turn to let go of his frustration with his classmate. Although it wasn't exactly what he expected, Kihyun didn't complain and just took it. There wasn't much he could do anyway, Changkyun holding him too tightly for him to do anything. It was during this moment that the smaller one thanked himself inwardly for having wanted to finger himself this morning in the shower. Without it, he was sure Changkyun would have torn him apart from the inside. Maybe that thought excited him a little, even. Maybe he wanted Changkyun to ruin him.

-You're moaning like a whore, grunted the blonde man as he rocked his hips without truly caring about the other's comfort. But he knew he liked it if only judging by the loud moans that were escaping his lips. And he couldn't do anything to contain them.

-S-Shut the fuck u-up!

Changkyun only laughed, fucking right into Kihyun's prostate. The rush of pleasure that exploded in his veins made him cry out, and the youngest's smile only got bigger. How could he expect Kyun to take him seriously when he was here crying of pleasure in his arms? He wasn't the one in control anymore and Changkyun was determined to make him understand. That's why the latter fucked him harder, feeling Kihyun's thighs shaking around his waist. Hearing his helpless whines, feeling his hole suck his cock deeper and deeper. 

Kihyun looked incredibly gone already, but he couldn't help it. He was sensitive from his previous orgasm, tears pricking on the corner of his eyes because of too much pleasure. He felt himself start to sob, not used to being fucked so thoroughly. The smaller man especially did not expect the sting in his collarbone when Changkyun bit him hard. Hard enough to draw blood.

A scream escaped his lips and Changkyun only went harder, desperate to reach his high once more. He already got Kihyun fully submitting and crying under him, exactly what he wanted. 

-Your blood tastes so good, groaned the younger man, and Kihyun felt his body shake even more at the feeling of Changkyun licking his blood. That was so hot, Kihyun felt his mind spin. It was like he had been marked, and to be honest...Maybe the thought of getting marked by Changkyun didn't bother him, but he still had a facade to keep. His pride was stopping him from being honest; it was the same thing with Changkyun too.

-You're s-such a fucking w-weird-

Another bite, this time more violent. It made Kihyun yelp, but also feel a rush of ecstasy in his veins. His eyes shut down instantly, his second orgasm running through him like a wave, a hurricane. 

But he felt it, Changkyun's cock against his prostate and hitting it even harder. That made him sob loudly, body shaking like a leaf. If his dongsaeng wasn't keeping him up, Kihyun was sure he would've fallen by now. It hurted so much, he kept begging Changkyun to stop.

-You like it, drop the act.

Lifting his head, Kihyun finally met the blonde's eyes. More specifically, his lips. His red, bloody, half-opened lips. The sight looked so sexy, it made him feel something.

-N-No, god, Changkyun-

Said man had decided to start jerking his classmate off, not caring about the cum already running down the sex. It hurted, hurted so good that Kihyun could only keep sobbing and let Changkyun ruin him towards another orgasm and his own. He knew he would be destroyed when they would be finished.

It didn't take long for Kihyun to come a third time, not even able to moan anymore and head spinning. He was seeing white, body going limp in Changkyun's arms. The latter feeling Kihyun's hole becoming tighter around his cock. It made him moan loudly in his hyung's neck, hips jerking a few more times before finally reaching his own nirvana. This one absolutely destroyed him too, his eyes closing shut and body almost going limp too.

As Kihyun thought when he finally gained back his conscience, this would be a bitch to clean. And it was, even more when Changkyun was this clumsy. Once they were finally dressed up and looking not too bad, Kihyun spoke first:  
-By the way, the teacher never saw us. I was just messing with you.

Changkyun's eyes went wide and he looked momentarily angry.

-You little shi-

At that, the only thing Kihyun could do was smile and giggle.

-Can't help it, daddy~

The younger's eyes went even more serious, and the oldest thought he had so much fun messing with him.

-Don't call me that or I'll definitely flip you over and fuck you again.

That sentence made Kihyun smile. Oh, maybe he wouldn't mind. He was pretty sure he wouldn't.

-Not now, I need a shower before. But we can do that at mine.

It was Changkyun's turn to smile, cocking an eyebrow.

-Is that an invitation?"

-If you want it to be.

-Then I guess I'm coming with you, pretty boy~ Lead the way!

That's what Kihyun did, though having a bit of difficulty walking. Changkyun may have laughed at him, and Kihyun may or may not have whacked him after. Some things never change, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May or may not do a bonus, would yall like that?


	5. Baby, all my shows are getting too loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A part of the bonus, its not impossible that I turn this into a full fic or at least some chapters based more on the development of their relationship. Hope you love it :)

"-A-Ah, nghhh, Kyun!"

Kihyun was so, so glad his parents weren't home. He couldn't help the screams that escaped his mouth as he was being pounded hard against the shower glass. As soon as he came home with Changkyun, bickering a bit with him, he was slammed against the door and kissed forcefully. Kihyun couldn't find himself to say no, he wanted it as much as Changkyun did so he kissed him back. He was driven by lust and his head was almost spinning from it. That's how he found himself in the shower, first being rimmed within an inch of his life. Changkyun's tongue worked like magic in his hole, making him moan and beg for more. And oh, Changkyun's long finger hitting his sweet spot and opening him were making Kihyun lose his damn mind. So well that he ended up sobbing for more, for Changkyun's cock to open him up again. At this, Changkyun had his fun chuckling and teasing Kihyun for being so needy. Kihyun knew he'd take his sweet revenge after, but right now, being fucked felt way too good and he felt he could pass out just from the feeling. The smaller's face was pressed against the shower panel, as he was assaulted from behind. The grunts, oh the low moans that let out Changkyun each time he moved forwards only made Kihyun needier. He could almost not think properly. He knew he'd be covered in bruises the next day but he loved it, loved to be marked by Changkyun.

Said man suddenly changed their position, slamming Kihyun's back against the panel this time. A moan was knocked out of the oldest when the blond got in him again and started trusting hard. Once again, Kihyun was glad he could wrap his legs around Changkyun's waist and not have to support his own weight. The trusts, before very brutal, were now getting slower and Kihyun whined. He opened his eyes, a bit lost, and saw the way Changkyun's eyes were analyzing his body, almost eating him up with them. It was like...He was eyeing a treasure. 

-You're so damn beautiful, Kihyun.

Changkyun's voice was deep, but utterly honest. It almost made Kihyun sob again, as the younger's trusts were slower, but harder. They were hitting deeper inside him, like the blonde wanted to mark him is by every way possible and in every part of his body. Kihyun weirdly felt more loved and pleasured than ever, with the guy he would've gladly punched 24 hours earlier. And maybe he would still after, but certainly not now. Not when Changkyun was panting and groaning in his neck and ruining him completely. Oh, Kihyun was so hard and he was going to cum again. Changkyun looked so good too, completely destroyed and needy, as gone as his hyung was. Kihyun wanted to see him even needier, even more gone and he had the perfect idea for that. As he knew the taller man was looking at him right in the eyes, he started sucking on his own fingers, in a way that had Changkyun's cock pulsing in him. He liked the feeling, moaning around the digits and drooling too, saliva everywhere. Kihyun could see how much it affected Changkyun and he liked it, but it wasn't why he truly started sucking on his fingers in the first place. Water was only hitting Changkyun's back now, so his body wasn't wet anymore as he let his fingers trail on the latter's chest. Soft moans escaped his lips, and even more when those fingers started caressing his thigh.

Changkyun lifted his head up, looking at Kihyun in a kinda lost way. The older man only smiled as he suddenly inserted a finger in him. The blonde's hips jerked at the feeling, which made Kihyun let out a loud moan. After that, everything happened kind of quickly. They were both desperate to find their bliss, Kihyun getting fucked hard and Changkyun being fingerfucked with as much energy. Loud moans were escaping them both, the youngest feeling his prostate being abused as he abused his partner's. It felt so good he wanted to cry a bit, and so did Kihyun. It then didn't take them too long to come in a scream of the other's name, the older man feeling cum drip out from his sore hole. Oh, he was so sore. He was practically shaking, and Changkyun wasn't better by any means. Yet, the only thing both of them could think of now was to kiss each other until they couldn't speak; that's what they did. It started off as almost urgent, as they washed what they needed and got out of the shower. However, as they were slowly dressing up again and kissing as much as they could during, the kisses became slower, more...Intimate. It felt right, like the person that understood the most Kihyun's true emotions was Changkyun and vice versa. 

Nevertheless, Changkyun and Kihyun had always had a certain dynamic that wouldn't change over just one day. So, when they made it to Kihyun's room and that Changkyun laughed about the way he walked, he was quickly hit with a pillow by an angry Kihyun. Gasping, Changkyun only answered, before taking one pillow too:

-How could you betray me like that!

So they fought with it until they couldn't contain their laughter and fell back on the bed. It felt oddly right, to be on a bed in pajamas next to Changkyun like that. It felt calm. Though, the blonde still had that annoying smirk on his face and Kihyun wanted to punch him. Of course that wouldn't change.

-Asshole.

Changkyun smiled at the sweet word.

-And proud to be.


	6. Alike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No smut  
> Character development

Again, another day of school that bored Kihyun to the core. The sun rays extended on the horizon and all that the young man could do was fix the wall while the professor plowed the copies of their last homework. His mind couldn't stop replaying what happened Friday with Changkyun. Their kisses, the hands on his skin...He could still feel the phantom sensation of his hands and that made him shiver...The brunette couldn't deny how good it had felt, how they kissed until 1 am and then weirdly decided to play Mario Kart. How they stole kisses to each other and tried to devolve the other to win. It was pleasant….But Kihyun's feelings towards Changkyun didn't change, he realized as he watched the latter arrive late. Of course, he would; he always did, never gave a damn about his studies, and that irritated Kihyun greatly. Changkyun was two years younger since he skipped a year because of his intelligence. The brunette knew his dongsaeng had potential, yet the latter decided to waste it by sitting on his ass and doing nothing, passing each year by some miracle. He didn't study, didn't do shit and it angered Kihyun because he always needed to work his ass off to success. Changkyun had all the potential and could easily succeed! He had no excuse to do nothing.

The blonde man sat at his place, breathless. He seemed to have run to school, which was weird because he had a car. Anyways, Kihyun didn't care.

"Mr. Im, may you give me the homework I assigned to your class last time?"

Everyone was watching Changkyun now, especially girls who fawned over his, I quote, "Incredible body". Kihyun couldn't help but think bitterly that, I quote again, "I saw his body, not you, go fuck yourself". Then, he thought it was weird to be satisfied with that; it's not like Changkyun rarely fucked. Plus, he hated the boy.

"Come here, boy."

That's what Changkyun did. He bit his lip nervously then let out a long sigh.

-I...I don't have it.

-What do you mean, you don't have it? I gave it two weeks ago, you had all the time in the world to do it!

The teacher seemed baffled and so did Kihyun. How could he not have it? His parents were so rich, Changkyun didn't have to work. Two weeks and he didn't do simple homework! Kihyun felt his blood boil at how the boy could succeed at school while having such a behavior.

-I know… I didn't have time to do it.

-Being a teenager must be so exhausting, she said ironically. Go back to your place.

Kihyun, oh, Kihyun wished he could have shut up. Sadly, he couldn't; he had to say the sentence that went through his mind:

"Working that hard must be difficult."

The taller man shot his classmate a death glare. He didn't look very happy today.

-Shut the fuck up Kihyun. 

As the words slipped out Changkyun's mouth, the teacher's fist was slammed against the table. It shook both boys greatly.

-I'm so tired of your bickering, out!

Changkyun looked shocked, he didn't do anything! Kihyun was just putting his nose where he didn't belong and now he was being punished for it?! He had no idea what was going on in Changkyun's life. If he had the time to do it and a great family, good for him. Changkyun didn't.

-But miss, he started it-

The teacher obviously didn't care about that, and Kihyun was angered again. He only said one thing and he was being thrown out when multiple times, his classmate(especially Kyun) said worse and they had no problems! Great, now his parents would get on his back and he'd get hit again.

-I don't care, out! 

Both boys took their things, annoyed, and got out of the class. Kihyun absolutely hated hearing all the whispers of other students, how they talked about something that they knew nothing about. They never even talked to either of them.

-What are you doing? Are you following me?

Changkyun seemed angry, looking at him with disgust. Kihyun rolled his eyes, frowning. 

-No, I'm going to detention as she asked. At least, I'm following orders.

Changkyun smiled, bitterly. He was still looking at Kihyun with disgust, anger. Kihyun wished he could hit him.

-Goodie two shoes. 

And oh, the brunette hated being called this. He hated it so fucking much, and that made him want to prove the latter wrong. While annoying him, of course. 

-Then I guess I'll follow you, Kyunie. 

The nickname was dripping with sarcasm, as a smile spread on his lips. That irritated Changkyun so, so much. 

-You're certainly not.

Kihyun just smiled.

-Oh, I am. Sorry~

Chabgkyun sighed as he sped up his pace. He was going to the rooftop, Kihyun knew it, and while he certainly didn't want to be stuck with him there, the occasion was too good to pass. The blonde looked so exhausted and annoyed; it was a real victory for Kihyun, though he was exhausted too in reality. 

-You're so freaking annoying!

Kihyun just rolled his eyes and smiled bitterly as he was going up the stairs.

-Because you think you aren't?

-You started it! You know nothing about my life; not everyone has a good home!

Hearing Changkyun say that made Kihyun so fucking irritated. Maybe he knew nothing about Changkyun's life, but the latter also knew nothing about his. Who was he to declare he had a good home?

-Excuse me, you know nothing about mine either! You're just a fucking spoiled kid who never worked and never will!

The tone was getting louder and louder as they got on the rooftop. The blonde man was squeezing his fists, taking a deep breath. He was so close to hitting his classmate violently; It was not true. All these rumors about him were false and he was not spoiled. 

-What do you fucking know about it.

His tone was low and seemed hampered. The younger boy was not facing him, he was facing the horizon and trying to not cry.

Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. Do not crack.

Crack, he did. He was on the edge of crying and then, Kihyun saw it.

The large bruises on Changkyun's neck. One he definitely didn't have when he left Kihyun's house on Saturday morning. Where did it come from? It instantly worried the older student.

-The homework…

The blonde's voice was strangled like he was about to cry. His classmate instantly felt like a jerk, because he knew Kyun would tell him something sad and/or worrying.

-I did it, okay? But I made one mistake and my dad saw him this morning.  
He tore the paper apart and started screaming at me about how I'd never get anywhere in life and how stupid and useless I was. That's why I was late this morning. Happy?

Kihyun could see the way Changkyun's body started shaking and hear how his breath started to stutter. He was so shocked, speechless to hear that the blonde had a similar life to his. Could totally feel the hurt it was to hear that you're stupid and useless. Suddenly, he wanted to hug the taller boy, tell him it wasn't true. Everyone who knew Changkyun only a bit would see the potential the boy had; to learn that it wasn't his fault but his parent's that this potential was wasted angered him. Suddenly, it seemed to make sense of the younger's behavior. 

So naturally, Kihyun walked to Changkyun's front and took him in his arms. He could feel the latter's resistance, his arms shaking, then the way he stopped fighting it and hugged the brunette back as tight as he could. Kihyun could hear him sob in his neck, and all that he could do was slowly stroke his back while telling him everything would be alright. That he wasn't useless. That he was also sorry for saying shit earlier.

The embrace lasted quite some time before Changkyun wiped his nose and his tears, looking slightly embarrassed.

Kihyun thought it was cute.

Then, without a word, they both sat on the edge of the rooftop, Changkyun's head on Kihyun's shoulders. It was okay for the moment, they were perfectly fine that way. 

Kihyun couldn't help but to lean and kiss his dongsaeng's forehead. The latter smiled softly as the rays of sunshine hit his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will make it a full fic, the chapters are already all planned :)  
> I'll try to finish that as fast as I can!


	7. Maybe you can show me how to love, maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected evening for Kihyun and Changkyun.
> 
> Mostly Changkyun centric
> 
> Smut and character development. Also, let's pray for Kihyun too because he doesn't have an easy life at home :(

Changkyun had been teased all night and he was going borderline crazy. His body felt on fire, his lungs feeling like they'd explode if anything more happened. The game he intended to win so much was now long forgotten in the background. 

Everything had started around 17h00, at the end of the day. Changkyun's head had been running all day ever since the rooftop incident. Kihyun had driven him crazy many, many times-and it had always been with anger. He had always been just pissed off and wanted to give his hyung a taste of his own medicine, even though what he said could be very hurtful sometimes. Changkyun knew he wasn't any better, but they both didn't care about each other's true feelings so the younger man never really let any words hit him right in the heart. He knew they'd never be true since it was Kihyun speaking and often by anger. All those insults had always rather been to piss the other off because they both loved seeing each other annoyed. But those words? The "you're just a spoiled rich kid"? They hit Changkyun's heart deeply. He still didn't know why he let Kihyun's words enter his heart, then healed him when he whispered in his ear all those sweet sayings. Maybe, because deep inside, he cared about what Kihyun thought. Maybe he always did, in reality. Changkyun had always wanted the approval of his hyungs somehow-Knowing he could never have his parents. Having Kihyun's was also something he never thought he'd have in the slightest. Changkyun considered Kihyun as unreachable as his parents, and after everything that happened...He didn't really know what to think about it, even though it felt like it started to heal an old scar deep in his heart. Like he finally felt that he was a tiny bit worth it for someone. He couldn't even deny that he craved the oldest's lips against his since the first time they kissed. 

So, as the blonde-haired boy was opening his locker and taking his jacket, a little figure appeared behind him. A little, weirdly happy figure. He immediately knew it was Kihyun; Kihyun sometimes came to his locker when he was waiting for one of their friends to leave with them. However, they weren't expecting anyone right now. So why was Kihyun next to his locker, waiting for him?

Changkyun's first reflex was to check his cell phone: No texts. There weren't any of their friends supposed to accompany them home that night; was Changkyun really the person he was waiting for? 

**"Hey, are you going to stare at me all night?"**

Kihyun's annoyed tone made him want to punch him. Was Changkyun supposed to know he'd stand behind him at the end of the day-Possibly waiting for him? Was he supposed to expect it? He never knew anyone was going to wait for him.

Naturally, it pushed Changkyun to take his sweet, sweet time. The blonde didn't even think he had already been so slow but the occasion was too tempting-Especially when he saw Kihyun sigh loudly, closing his eyes and pinching the edge of his nose. That gesture, the youngest always found it very arrogant; however, it never failed to make him smile triumphantly when it was directed at him. 

**"I swear to god I'm going to let you here and go home alone,"** said Kihyun as if it was a real threat. As if Changkyun was going to whine that the older man would let him alone. Then, something clicked in Changkyun's mind. A sudden realization.

_Was this a weird way to invite him home?_

It could definitely be. Kihyun was a weird boy and it seemed typical coming from him to invite Changkyun home that way. After all, the only time it had happened, it was just a...Domino reaction. One thing led to another, nothing had been really thought about. If only, the bruises he now had on his thighs from coming home so late a bloody Saturday morning were proving it. Though, it was definitely worth it.

 **"Are you…"** Changkyun slowly smiled a smile that made Kihyun want to punch him too. It was always mutual and perfect for the both of them in a way. **"Are you inviting me to your home?"**

 **"Don't look so smug, Im,"** Kihyun hurried to answer, eyebrows frowning. Changkyun thought that it was his favorite expression on Kihyun(because he loved making Kihyun annoyed). Or maybe just after the face he made when he came, but Changkyun would never admit that to himself. **"I'm only inviting you because I'm bored and wanna play Mario Kart."**

Somehow, the blonde wasn't sure about this statement. He knew they would definitely play, but wasn't sure if they would _only_ play Mario Kart. Not that he really minded, to be honest. If that meant he could irritate the oldest a bit more and possibly get his living daylight fucked out of him, he wouldn't complain. Plus, Kihyun was kind of sexy when he was mad.

It was around 30 minutes later when they entered Kihyun's little house. The way home had been very quiet, something not unusual between them if they weren't arguing or moaning. And maybe, maybe Changkyun used that time to stare at Kihyun freely. Observe how his brown, slightly curly hair fell on his face like a halo, how his golden skin shined under the settling down sun… Maybe he did stare at Kihyun, but that, Kihyun would never know and Changkyun would deny it for a long, long time. He loved to tell himself his mind was thinking despite his will. 

And Kihyun was a real bitch, Changkyun thought bitterly after another one of the older's trickery a bit later. Of course, while the blonde man had his fun thoroughly annoying his classmate sometimes, so did Kihyun. He had always been very competitive anyways and was ready to do everything to win. That included kissing the spots he _knew_ were sensitive on Changkyun's neck, while somehow managing to keep playing perfectly. Of course, that took the latter out of guard, completely surprised by the elder's sudden display of affection. As Changkyun was obviously failing the race, Kihyun only gave him that faux innocent smile that annoyed him so damn much. He knew he'd take his revenge and was determined to win after, though it sadly never happened. Each time, his hyung was kissing his neck at a different place, making sure to even bite down a bit. That always made Changkyun groan and wiggle a bit involuntarily against Kihyun's spread legs-the ones he was in between. At this moment, the blonde knew they wouldn't play Mario Kart all night. Either because he'd end up punching the shit out of him for being so annoying and teasing or because they'd find a better activity in this bed. Changkyun hoped for the latter; he was a bit too tired to beat up someone. Or maybe he craved the older's body after two long days without any contact. Only maybe.

The kisses, however, escalated into something more and quite _unexpected._ As soon as the first praise escaped Kihyun's lips after another _damn teasing_ kiss, the blonde froze momentarily. Did Kihyun just say he was beautiful? Why say that now? Was he okay mentally?

 **"I said you were beautiful."** Said Kihyun like it was obvious, after being asked to repeat. When Changkyun asked why the only thing he answered was: **"Because you are."**

Changkyun thought Kihyun should seek therapy because something was obviously working funny in his brain. Yet, he didn't say anything, still having that tiny hope of winning the game. It was proven to be way more difficult than the youngest expected, especially with Kihyun kissing his lips, neck, and upper back while telling him another cheesy praise each time. Changkyun's cheeks were now a slight shade of pink as he, involuntary, kept wiggling his butt against Kihyun's crotch at each contact. The blonde didn't know what was happening to the brunette to say things like-Like he really meant them.

 **"Stop that, are you fucking stupid?"** Changkyun's tone of voice was nothing sweet, almost aggressive and annoyed. Nonetheless, Kihyun knew he didn't really mean it so it made him smile.

**"Obviously, why would I be here fucking you otherwise?"**

The death glare the taller man sent him was absolutely worth it, thought Kihyun with that horrible smile that Changkyun hated so much. If there was one thing that Changkyun hated more than Kihyun's smile, it was the chuckle that escaped his lips as soon as he saw the discontent on the younger's face. Like he was proud of himself. 

**"Who said we were fucking?"**

At this, Kihyun's smile grew wider and Changkyun knew it was over for him. _Guess he was the one taking it up the ass tonight, uh?_

**"Can fix that!"**

Fix it, he did. Well. Changkyun was the one getting fucked and not in the first sense: that was the problem! He could feel Kihyun's lips on his skin, lightening up in fire and all he could think about was that he just wanted some damn _real fucking action._ Wanted to be touched, sucked, fucked-He would have honestly taken whatever Kihyun would have given him for real. Sadly, Kihyun was taking his sweet time torturing him and whispering praises against his burning skin. He was so fucking hard, he could only whine and beg for the oldest to _please do something before I become absolutely crazy._

And then, finally, the unexpected happened. Changkyun felt a hot breath against his cock, making him jolt forward. His classmate could only smile and wrap his lips around the tip, starting to suck as he would do to a lollipop. Like he was tasting Changkyun. It made the younger so horny as he bucked his hips needily and cried out. As he was panting and about to beg to feel Kihyun's throat, a door being closed was heard. Panic coursed through both boys, especially when a loud voice was heard.

**"Kihyun!"**

Changkyun never wanted to cry more than at this moment. He knew he had no choice but to dress up and pretend like he wasn't hard and horny like crazy in front of his sex friend? Classmate? 'S mom. Kihyun seemed as annoyed as he was, and a tiny bit confused. When the boys entered the kitchen, it smelt like cheap perfume and alcohol. He could hear Kihyun sigh, used to it yet wishing it would change sigh. That smell reminded the blonde man of his father, somehow. The house always smelt incredible, maids there to clean everything up except his father's desk. Inside it, it always smelt like whiskey and strong perfume he knew wasn't his mom's. Yet, he never said anything.

Changkyun had met Kihyun's mother more than once, of course. When you meet someone at age 5 and they follow you all your life, you will obviously meet their relatives one day. The youngest well knew everyone's mom except Kihyun's, as he only saw her from afar sometimes and never truly went to his hyung's house. Even without knowing her much, the memories he had of her were way more flattering. She used to be a very beautiful woman, one that Kihyun took the beauty of. She always seemed like the kind of person who'll have to fight against life but will never give up. Now, all he could think of her was that her perfume smelt horribly strong and that she looked destroyed. The shadow of the woman he used to see once upon a time. Judging by her son's face, it had been a long time since she changed. Idly, Changkyun also wondered where Kihyun's father was. He used to see him sometimes; the last time he did, he was 10. After that, never again did the blonde heard a talk or saw a glimpse of the man. He was curious, but it was a question for another time. For when Kihyun's mother wouldn't be piercing holes into his skull.

_Damn is she trying to kill me with her gaze or what?!_

**"Oh, Changkyun! I remember you now, how are you?"**

Her attitude changed drastically and Kihyun looked at Changkyun, his lips forming a thin line. He looked sorry, even more, when it became apparent that she had drunk a _lot_ judging by her breath. He whispered to Kihyun it was okay; it wasn't anything he also wasn't used to. She was obviously drunk and grinning-as drunkenly. Well, she was a lot nicer than his father when he was drunk.

 **"H-Hi miss…"** It wasn't in the boy's habits to stutter or look away, but he was doing it now. It felt so weird, so intimate to meet Kihyun's mother in _this state_ , and Changkyun wasn't sure he was ready for that step to be reached. Yet, it felt...Comforting in a way, to be in something known and to know he wasn't the only one living this. That's why he took Kihyun's hand and squeezed it softly to give him courage.

**"I'm glad my son found a boyfriend like you...Let's watch a movie together!"**

Her drunken tone made Changkyun frown because God knew how much he hated this tone. When she spoke the words, both boys' faces fell. Boyfriend? Did they look like boyfriends?? Something needed to be fixed because there was no way in hell he'd pass for this asshole's boyfriend. Well, in a normal way speaking because Changkyun and Kihyun couldn't do much at the moment. The youngest could see how sorry he felt when he led him to the living room, knowing they were both too in that shit to run away. So Changkyun sat on the sofa and watched a movie with Kihyun and his mother. At first, everything was going pretty well, though the movie was really boring. It wasn't long before Changkyun felt sleepy, almost sleeping like Kihyun's mother, sitting on the chair next to the couch. As he was finally falling asleep for good on Kihyun's lap, Changkyun felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. That woke him up and he let out a groan that had Kihyun smiling softly. He knew who was calling him; he didn't give a damn. He quickly closed his phone and placed his head back against Kihyun's lap. The movie was so boring and Changkyun wanted something in his mouth now...Classic oral fixation, he always wanted something in his mouth. Hearing the soft snores next to them, the blonde man slowly got an idea. 

**"Kyun...What are you doing?"** The smaller boy whispered, feeling his classmate mouth his thigh. Changkyun didn't say anything, his hands slowly reaching to Kihyun's crotch. Happily, they were covered by a cover. The man he was sitting on seemed very confused and alarmed, eyes wide open. Changkyun couldn't help but to smile a bit at this expression.

**"I just want something in my mouth."**

They were whispering, making sure Kihyun's mother wouldn't hear if she woke up. Changkyun knew it was dangerous but fuck, it made a rush of arousal go through him. He longed for Kihyun so much lately, he thought there was definitely something wrong with him but he didn't give a damn; he liked it way too much. As he was undoing the older's jeans, the latter seemed to do nothing to stop him despite his evident worry.

 **"I can get you a lollipop or someth-"** Kihyun was quickly cut by the contact of Changkyun's mouth on the tip of his dick. It had the effect of shutting him up, as he covered his mouth with his hand in panic. Changkyun was so tired though, he only let the older man fill his mouth and rested there. It always felt nice to have his mouth filled, to feel the weight on his tongue and how it was stretching his mouth. It made him forget about everything else happening, and he soon found himself closing his eyes. Meanwhile, Kihyun's heart was beating hard in his chest. He was getting his dick sucked next to his mother by the guy he always fucking hated, and his mom even thought he was his boyfriend. It was so damn dangerous, yet Kihyun felt himself pulled toward it. He wanted it, wanted everything Changkyun could give him. So he only made himself comfortable against the couch, letting the warm sensation get to him as he distantly listened to the movie. The brunette was close to falling asleep when he heard his mom yawn as she woke up. He froze in fear, tensing at the idea of her discovering what was going on. Yet, he didn't want Changkyun off him. He hoped his mom would be too drunk to see anything, as she always was. 

And, of course, she was. She got up shakily, almost falling down and not sparing her son a glance as she went to her room. It was always like that; Kihyun rarely existed. Usually, the young man was pissed off and sad but now, he was pretty happy about it. Being completely awake made him feel things about his current situation, Changkyun now looking at him with his eyes wide open. Damn, Kihyun was so hard and so needy. Just by the look on his partner's face, though, he understood that everything he'd do would be okay. That made Kihyun buck his hips slowly, bringing a hand to his mouth to be sure he wouldn't be moaning. Changkyun, him, took it so prettily and well, even swallowing around him and using his tongue. The friction, the feeling of the younger's teeth grazing against his shaft made him, even more, needier; somehow aroused by the fact that Changkyun could hurt him if he'd wanted to. It felt so good and he felt so close, which was something that the blonde knew well. He could feel his classmate's dick throbbing needily in his mouth and he loved it. He just sucked harder, feeling also so hard and trying to get friction with his own hands above his jeans. It wasn't long before Kihyun came into Changkyun's mouth, a low, almost inaudible moan escaping his throat by accident. His thighs were shaking a bit, his body also feeling light; like all the emotions he felt today were swapped away by a pleasurable wave. Oh, he felt light and good.

He registered distantly Changkyun taking his dick out of his mouth and soon felt lips against his own. He wasted no time in kissing back, opening his mouth to let Changkyun's tongue in. Another little wave of arousal coursed through him when he felt cum pooling in his mouth, as much as Changkyun's smile against his lips. If he could, Kihyun would hit him but it would be for another time; making out was more important. So they made out slowly but passionately, watered-down cum passing between both of them. It was so hot, and as Changkyun settled on his knees, Kihyun could feel his hard-on. It wasn't long before the brunette's hand was on his lover's dick, stroking quickly and tightly. Changkyun could barely handle it, thighs shaking with need and making low, little sounds against the other's lips. The whole thing was so hot and he had been on the edge of so long, he needed to cum.

It happened quickly enough after that, the hand speeding up and it left him breathless. Kihyun's lips on his own, Kihyun's tongue in his mouth, Kihyun's body under him, Kihyun's hand stroking him so well…

_Kihyun, Kihyun, Kihyun._

It was with the oldest's name on his lips that Changkyun came, their kiss therefore breaking. Kihyun had a way to make the blonde come that he would never understand; it always left him so breathless, so...Good, like his world had stopped a moment. Nobody else had ever been able to do that to him; there had never been anybody else able to affect him as Kihyun did. Whether it was bad or good. When the youngest opened his eyes again, he could see that his hyung had swallowed everything, lips still parted a bit. _Fuck, how is this so hot. I just wanted to get back at him after all this teasing._

Seeing Kihyun's smile, he knew it was mutual. There would never be anybody else able to have such an effect on the smaller man, it was very personal to them. Changkyun couldn't help but to smile too. The bruises he always got after coming home too late were entirely worth it if they were because of Kihyun.


	8. Took another hit(and you know you can't help me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No smut, more description about Changkyun's life at home.
> 
> Poor boy just wants a rest.
> 
> [Yes double update today, dont expect too much from me for a bit then lol]

People were always full of false impressions, only caring about what they think is the truth and never really wanting to know the full truth. Changkyun wasn't complaining in a way, because he hated when people got in his private life and tried to know more about him than what he'd publicly said. The rule was, if Changkyun didn't tell it in public, nobody other than his friends would ever know it. So he couldn't say it really pissed him off that people didn't want to know the truth; what pissed him off, however, was them thinking he was that kind of endlessly party boy. The kind of boy who'd party all night long every night without caring, just because _he could._ Because he had the money for it. Unlike most teenagers he knew, Changkyun didn't start drinking for the fun or the feeling it brought. Well, a bit for the feeling-Only because it was less worse than being sober. It might sound sad, and it kind of was, but Changkyun didn't want pity. Pity wouldn't bring him a loving and caring family; nothing could. 

It was true, though. Changkyun did party a lot. Parties were sweaty places full of people and alcohol. A place where he could get absolutely ruined and nobody would mind or judge him for not being perfect, a place where he could drink as much as he wanted until he was all smiling and grinning. The horrible headaches he got every next morning would almost make him regret, if it was worse than those he'd get at home. It was always screaming when his dad would get home sober. Or drunk. Either way, Changkyun wouldn't even see the difference if it wasn't the strong odor of alcohol through the house as soon as he came back. It almost made him want to puke, never get close to any drink ever again but he needed to, as to not become absolutely crazy one day. Sometimes, he hated himself for becoming so much like his father. Was afraid he'd become a violent jerk too one day, but always resonated with himself; unlike him, he wasn't a violent person sober and not when he was drunk either. He would never cheat and break people's heart and self esteem. He wasn't like that.

Changkyun thought he wanted to get so, so drunk at the moment. His father was screaming at him again, telling him how absolutely ugly and useless he was. How he'd never make it through anything, how his mother should've aborted him. As always, his mom was standing there, not saying anything. Not even when her husband's hand landed harshly on Changkyun's cheek, tainting it red. 

**"Can I go out tonight…"** Was the young man's only answer. He knew better than to argue and fight back against his father; asking to go out was his only chance. He knew one guy at school, Jackson, hosted a party that night and he needed to go. He wanted to get wasted and not think about his house ever again. 

**"You think you're going alone? No way."**

Changkyun hated his mom for always being so silent when he needed her. Was that all she could think and say after seeing his husband hit her own child once again? Why act like she truly cared about her son's well being? All she could do was sit there and watch everything unravel as always. _He hated her._

 **"No, I'll go with one of the guys."** Changkyun answered, pretty confident at least one of them would be free. He was praying, because he really needed to go and wouldn't give any heartbreaking reason for it. They didn't need to know that. 

**"Yeah, go drink and sit on your ass as always."** Changkyun had never wanted to hit someone harder. _SAYS THE MAN WHO COMES HOME DRUNK AND SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF HIS SON AND WIFE!_

Wife for who he'd like to have some empathy, some affection. Sadly, he couldn't; she was cold as ice, and the next words she said only proved it more: **"I want them to come get you at the door."**

Changkyun couldn't help the words that escaped his lips as he quitted the kitchen to go to his room: **"Yeah, act like you care."** He mumbled them, but his mother somehow heard. A **"Watch your tone with me, young man!"** was then heard but the blonde man couldn't care less. He'd known he would get slapped for that later, but whatever: his parents always found a reason to slap him anyway. 

_The seven deadly men 😈:_

**_Honeyyy:_ **

Yeah lol she almost gave me detention

**_Evil Maknae:_ **

Hey guys there's a party tonight

**Evil Maknae:**

At Jackson's. I'm bored. Do y'all wanna come?

 **_Honeyyy_ ** **:**

Sorry Kyunnie, me and Minnie hyung are working on the science project :( We can't come

 **_PuppyBoy_ ** **:**

Yeah, I'm so pissed of bc I'd rather get drunk than work on fucking magnets

**_PapaBear:_ **

My mom's kinda angry at me for coming home too late yesterday after the match so I'm stuck in my room :/

**_PapaBear:_ **

But drink responsibly kid

**_Evil Maknae:_ **

It's okay, good luck with the project and your punition, I'll be drinking (responsibly) for yall!!

**_Evil Maknae:_ **

How about Hoseok hyung and Hyungwon hyung?

**_Evil Maknae:_ **

They're weirdly silent today

**_Honeyyy:_ **

Honestly they're prob fucking each other, they had a date night

**_PapaBear:_ **

Yeah don't expect anything from them lol

**_PuppyBoy:_ **

Can't wait to see how Hoseok's gonna walk tomorrow

________________

Changkyun sighed as he put his phone in his pocket, falling on his bed. He didn't want to stay here, didn't like it. He knew he couldn't even ask one of the maid's help to sneak out: what was he supposed to? He wished he still had some pills to sleep. 

Suddenly, he had an illumination. The only one who didn't answer to his question-Except Hyungwon and Hoseok, apparently too busy fucking-was Kihyun. Expected; they all knew Kihyun was not a man of party and greatly hated people, crowd and alcohol. Besides, his mom was really strict most of the time so he never came. That night, Changkyun knew he needed to go out. He'd combust if he didn't, his head throbbing painfully. Kihyun was his last chance.

_~~Maybe he missed the boy, too~~. _

_Tiny asshole:_

**Well good luck with the homework because I definitely ain't helping you, go fuck yourself**

_[2 months ago]_

Uhm hey

**Is this about this stupid party?**

**Don't tell me you expect me to go with you. I know you're smarter than that**

Please?

_[Sent two minutes ago]_

My mom won't let me go alone. It's not because I like you or anything.

**Ugh fine.**

Come at mine, my mom wants to see you or some shit like that before I go.

 _[_ _Read Now]_

_______________

With that, Changkyun got up and went to his bathroom. He needed to put on makeup to, first, look presentable, and second, hide his bruised face. He couldn't wait to finally feel the bitter taste of whiskey burning his throat.   
  



	9. Everything's been so messed up here lately

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun's point of view and past.
> 
> TW:Mention of pedophilia, physical abuse, (kind of) murder attempt, mention of r slur
> 
> [Me, two hours earlier: dont expect much from me now lol  
> Me now: well heres a thriple update]

**"How could JaeJin leave me like that?"**

Kihyun thought it was a stupid question, a very stupid one. He couldn't help the frustration and hatred that got to him every time his mother used that whiney, airy tone while crying profanities and complaints out loud. He couldn't believe Kim Chaeyoung, a 35-year-old woman with a degree in justice could ask such an obvious question. Kihyun, her 18-year-old son not particularly gifted, already had the answer. Wanted to scream at her that she knew, he saw it in her eyes ever since he was born. They both knew Yoo JaeJin wasn't the most faithful man in two, and especially not the most responsible. It was a miracle that he stayed twelve long years in his son's life. Well, miracle...Certainly not a good one. Kihyun still remembered the first time when, at four years old, his father got sick of his whining and decided to teach him a lesson. That lesson involved putting his head in icy water until he could barely breathe and had blue lips. Kihyun also remembered how he ended the night at the hospital, his mother being so scared for his life and his father running away for some time. When he decided to come back one day, Chaeyoung let him in. Of course, things like that started again, he couldn't understand how his own mother would ignore his well-being like that. He never held a grudge before, because he knew she loved him deep down and that he was here ruining her and them, using him as a punching bag. When Kihyun was 12, his dad ran away one morning and, months later, got locked up for having cp on his computer. He always wondered how many weird pics there were of him on that-He just knew there would be. Not that he truly wanted to know, his dad was now out of his life for the better. 

The day they were finally free, Kihyun had never been happier. He knew his mother would pass through some hard times, and despite his young age, he'd be there for her. She'd eventually be okay, right?

The answer was no. It only became worse and worse, Chaeyoung spiraling downward, especially in ways to own money. She never used all her beauty and intelligence, her prestigious degree, it all went to waste as selling her body seemed a better way to make money. Kihyun hated her for putting him in a situation like that. He missed his mother, the one who used to hold him and tell him stories at night before his dad came home. The one who loved him. Ever since JaeJin left her life, she refused to help herself and just gave everything up. Kihyun was, too, forced to be in this life he never chose. Forced to hear all these disgusting men taking advantage of his own mother.

Once of him, but nobody would ever know that. He always preferred not to think about it.

And sometimes, Kihyun would drop something. Make a sound. Some guys didn't care, some did. And those who did, Kihyun wasn't having a good moment. He couldn't understand how they would see him as a threat; he was her SON for god's sake. Why beat him up? It's not like he was waiting for his turn or whatever shit…Today had been one of those days. His mom heard, heard the whimpers and cries that came out of her son's room as he was getting hit. She didn't do anything. When the guy finished his business, he went back to her and finished his other business. After that, he left as nothing happened, and the first thing Chaeyoung did? Certainly not check if her son was alright.

_ Whine about a fucking pedophile that was unfaithful and violent.  _

Kihyun deeply hated her for it, and also hated himself. Wasn't a son supposed to love his mom unconditionally? He knew she went through some rough stuff, he knew she wasn't all bad since she was an adorable mom the first few years of his life…

_ But he couldn't forgive her for letting herself go down like that. _

Kihyun wanted to be understanding, but he couldn't. How could a mother take her own son down with her like that? And how could she be so hard toward Kihyun when she actually acknowledged him?

That, he could understand in a way. Chaeyoung didn't want her child to end up as she did. However, each time she told him to work harder and insulted him, he just wanted to scream at her. Scream that the only way she ended up like that was because she let herself down that way. That Kihyun would never be so stupid and already know what he wanted to do in life. He wouldn't fall in love with a criminal recently out of prison and fuck with him without protection one week after.

_ Being a singer won't bring you anywhere in life, Kihyun. Please don't waste your life like me. _

Hearing her say that angered the young man so much. She knew, was very well aware that she was wasting her life. Yet he never saw her do anything to get up and get better. He wasn't stupid just because he doubled one year-his first year of school. He just had trouble understanding. He wasn't stupid and would do something of his life to make sure that, never again like today, he would end up sitting on the floor of his room, crying and full of blood and bruises. 

_ "Retarded, what did you have difficulty with? The alphabet?" _

He did. He was 6 when he finally learned it by heart.

_ "Really? Your mom has to pay private teachers? Stupid." _

He was ashamed of that.

_ "Dumbass" "stupid" "retarded" "useless"  _

He wished he wasn't. Kihyun wished he didn't have to work this hard for everything he did. Wished he wasn't actually asking his cousin to do his homework and everything he could so he would be considered a good student and not put shame on his mother. He hated it, hated it so much.

Kihyun was sobbing on the floor when he heard his phone buzz. It had buzzed a few times already and he knew it was the group chat. Yet, this time, the only vibration made it seem like it was a text of someone else. He had always been curious, so he checked. Apparently, Changkyun was asking the others to go to a party. Really? On a Thursday night, with their exams the next day? 

Kihyun thought it was stupid but didn't really care as it wasn't addressed to him. His friends all knew better than to invite him to a party. 

His friends, yes. Changkyun? No. That was what Kihyun noted when he saw a text from Changkyun. He really didn't wanna go to a party, he hated those big social gatherings where everyone danced, made out, and sweat like crazy. He really hated people anyways, and Kihyun wondered how Changkyun could even think of asking him to come. Was he expecting Kihyun to say yes all of a sudden? Changkyun wasn't dumb, despite them not being friends, they knew each other well. 

As soon as he received the plea, his brain froze. Why did the blonde want him to come so much, anyway? He could pretty well go alone and have fun, even more than he'd have with Kihyun! The latter found it very confusing, before seeing the second text. Ah, that was it. His parents wanted someone to accompany him and he, therefore, needed someone from his group of friends. That explained it all.

Kihyun didn't know Changkyun's parents very well, he didn't even remember what they actually looked like. But remembering what happened on the rooftop with his dongsaeng, seeing the large bruise on his neck...The ones he saw on his thighs briefly last time...It only reminded Kihyun of his own. Of the way his body ached and how he wanted to escape home to never come back. He didn't know much about Changkyun's life at home, but it didn't seem better than his. Maybe he just wanted to escape home.

Kihyun said yes, he wanted to make sure the younger man would be alright and could escape home if he needed to. Getting up, he dressed up quickly with the biggest and longest clothes he had to hide his figure. He hated putting makeup on but had no choice that day, to hide his bruises. He knew his mom would be so mad at him for sneaking out behind her back, but he didn't care. He was done caring for someone who didn't care about him. He walked to Changkyun's.


	10. When the party's over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lil bit of smut, some angst and fluff <3

_ "Your house's so big, you gotta have sooo much fun in it!"  _ Was what Changkyun had been told all his life by mostly people his age and some adults. When he was around four, he would have gladly agreed; having so much space to play in without any parents was the dream. He could do whatever he wanted, and nobody could stop him! It was any little kid's dream until Changkyun grew up. The older he was, the more bored he became with such a large house. It was nice to have so much space, but liberty didn't equal love. The gifts that used to make him so happy were starting to get on his nerves because  _ all he wanted was love.  _ A bit of attention from his parents, of warmth and comfort. When you're a little kid, your home being a playground is your biggest wish. As you get older, you want your home to be a place where you can relax and feel safe; a warm place where you can let your guards down. Changkyun never got that, the house only becoming colder and colder as he also understood things he couldn't when he was younger. What his father was doing at night, what his mother was doing too. He still remembered the time he wrote his name for the first time perfectly, how both of his parents never gave a damn about it and only screamed at him. He was only 2 back then and it was the first time he felt he wasn't able to gain the recognition of his parents. Ever since he never got it. So when people complimented him on his big, pretty house, he used to say that it was a very lonely place. After being called a spoiled brat who can't appreciate what he has many times, he learned to lie and tell how much fun it was to be in a home so big with parents never there to protect you. How nice it was to be alone,  _ alone with your inner monsters _ every day. So, looking through the window and seeing Kihyun slowly walking in, unsure and uncomfortable, didn't surprise Changkyun a bit. He just wanted to be out the fastest possible.

**"Going out!"** That was all he told his mom, running outside as fast as he could. He didn't want his mom to meet Kihyun, to have a talk with both of them. He just wanted to be alone with Kihyun, and more preferably, with a soju bottle in his hands. The cold air on his skin even made him let out a sigh of pure relief, knowing he was so close to his goal now. 

His eyes, however, quickly caught the way Kihyun was dressed so weirdly. The older man always dressed a bit oversized, but this much? There was something definitely not right with all that.

**"Did you somehow take like 40 pounds while I didn't see you or there's something wrong with you?"**

Because maybe Changkyun was a bit worried. Only the tiniest bit, just because he wanted to make sure the older was good before going to such an event.  _ Okay maybe he was a lot worried. _

His classmate's eyes looked a bit empty, red even. He was definitely trying to hide something that Changkyun doubted was worrying. He looked tired, irritated; not against Changkyun for once, against life itself. Something that the blonde knew very well.

**"I just want a drink too."** Said Kihyun with a loud sigh, following his dongsaeng with his hands in his pocket. He didn't seem to want to talk about it and Changkyun wouldn't force anything; he was already glad his hyung trusted him enough to let his true emotions out. Indeed, Kihyun was the type of person to always hide every negative feeling behind a smile, only showing a positive image of himself. While most of the time he saw Kihyun annoyed because of him, he never truly saw him hurt or this tired. Changkyun felt weirdly glad there was someone next to him able to understand him and exactly how he felt. Glancing at his partner slightly, he slowly took his hand in his and squeezed softly. They both needed it and kept walking without a word. 

Parties were always a blurry memory for Changkyun. Mostly because he forgot where he was quick enough and would often have to remind himself what he had done the moment before. He remembered entering with Kihyun, sitting back somewhere, and taking a drink. Then, everything became kind of blurry. Changkyun knew he quitted his classmate at one moment or another, especially because he could feel the girl against his body kissing him. He didn't even remember how he got there, kissing her, but he didn't really mind. She was pretty, seemed sweet, her lips tasted good and were soft…

Yet he couldn't help but be unsatisfied. She wasn't Kihyun, and he realized with distant horror that he had never kissed or did anything with anyone ever since that holy day in detention.  _ Like he didn't even feel the need to, because Kihyun was the only one who could truly satisfy him from now on. _

It was weird, he never gave a damn about feelings and connection. He always fucked because he wanted to and because it felt good: without emotions and ties were even better because you never owed them anything ever again. It was good, fast and easy. Then, why did he feel incomplete at the moment? Like something was missing in this girl, some connection he'd never have with anyone else than Kihyun. 

He absolutely hated it. Changkyun wasn't here for feelings, especially not to think about feelings. That's why he pushed these thoughts aside before taking one more shot of alcohol. He'd need it to kiss that girl more, to feel her body against his without his stupid mind getting involved.

It was later during the night, as the blonde was walking-More like stumbling- down the hallways, drink in hand. It wasn't long before he felt someone take him by the collar and bring him to a room. Once in, the person pushed him against the wall forcefully and kissed him with just as much force. Even drunkenly, Changkyun recognized Kihyun's mouth so easily. There weren't any other lips like his hyung's, none would ever feel this soft and fitting against him. He wondered why his older classmate was so open in public now, probably because of the alcohol but there was something else too. Kihyun seemed  _ angry, bothered. _

**"H-Hyung, what are you do-Oh."**

Changkyun couldn't find in himself to deny Kihyun as he sank down to his knees and tugged his jeans harshly. He couldn't say he understood, but he didn't complain. This felt far too good, feeling Kihyun's devilish mouth against his cock. It was swallowing it whole, throat constricting around it and sucking it tight. Changkyun's body was shaking because of the treatment, hands tugging on Kihyun's hair as the boy swallowed him down mindlessly. Kihyun's mouth was truly one of the only things that could take his mind off everything; whether it is on his or on his body. He could only moan and buck his hips a bit, feeling his classmate's fingers digging into his skin painfully. It was like Kihyun tried to claim him, fast and hard. Changkyun couldn't complain, though, especially not when he came in his hyung's mouth with a loud moan, head thrown back. He knew nobody would hear them; the music was so loud already. Once tucked back in his pants, Kihyun was still on his knees, weirdly, and before Changkyun could do anything, the brunette started crying on his knees. 

**"K-Kihyun??"**

The oldest was crying, hard, and couldn't stop it. He wasn't one to usually show his emotions, so seeing him in such a state greatly scared and worried his partner. Said man dropped to his knees and took Kihyun in his arms, not really knowing what to do. Panic was rising in him; was this his fault?? Did he hurt Kihyun?? He could swear it wasn't what he wanted and was ready to apologize as much as needed.

**"S-Stop looking so wo-worried, it's not y-you,"** started the brunette as he looked at his classmate. He dried his tears, though some tears were still falling down his cheeks. He was slowly gaining back his breath, trying to calm himself.  **"I'm just...Tired. Tired of everything, and I don't know where I'm going."**

Changkyun could hear the hurt in his friend's voice, the alcohol making him way more open than usual. It was probably also because Kihyun felt he could trust Changkyun, and felt like the other would understand him. He couldn't keep everything to himself anymore.

**"I've got so many plans, so many things I wanna do but I don't know where to start. My mom would hate me if I became what I want to become and I can't afford to lose my only support for now...Even though she also blocks me like no one else. I'm just tired and I don't know what I'm still doing here if it's always going to be like that if I keep being such a useless dumbass…."**

Tears spilled down his cheeks again, his hands coming to cover his face. Kihyun hated showing his vulnerable self, his breath now shallow and fast. He felt a hand landing on his shoulder, softly, comfortingly. Changkyun's hands were shaking, a lump slowly forming in his throat too. He recognized himself so much in Kihyun's monologue and knew just how it felt. They couldn't keep doing like that, so miserably. They had to get out of there together.

**"What do you want to do in life, hyung?"** Changkyun's voice was soft, quiet. It was like the world had stopped and only both of them were left. 

**"I want to become a singer,"** admitted the oldest shamefully as he looked down at the ground. He knew he sounded stupid; so many people out there were fighting to sing too, what made him think that he could be one of those who'd succeed? 

When the oldest man lifted his head, he met Changkyun's gentle eyes and the tiny smile on his face. His hand landed on Kihyun's cheeks, caressing it tenderly. The atmosphere was so unusual, intimate; like a bubble that wrapped them together. As Changkyun's thumb caressed his soft skin, he started talking:  **"You know what? Let's make sure we get out of there together. I want to become a rapper and my parents won't let me...But I don't want to give up. And this is our last year of high school...How about we move out to Seoul after this? The both of us?"**

Kihyun's eyes wide open, shocked. Was Changkyun really proposing this? Wanting to leave with him? Kihyun could feel his heartbeat loud in his chest; no one had ever wanted to help him so much. He never met anyone who...Understood him so well. The warmth of Changkyun's hand on his skin was also not helping how red his face had become.

**"Yesterday, I got a job at a bar I sometimes perform at. How about you work here too? We could save up money to leave once school is over. You know the others will help us too."**

A smile spread on Kihyun's lips, his face softening. He could finally see a light, and even though he knew it wouldn't be easy, he felt like everything would be alright at the moment. He finally wasn't alone anymore. And Changkyun, Changkyun was so beautiful yet had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face.

**"Aw, did I make the big and tough Kihyun cry?"** The urge to slap him was back, even though Kihyun couldn't wipe the smile off his face.

**"I should've known you wouldn't be nice all night. You better shut up before my hand meets your cheek in an unpleasant way."**

Changkyun was still smiling too, knowing that Kihyun's words were not a real threat. His heart was beating loud too, something he wasn't used to. He could definitely get used to it, though. 

At this moment, the smaller man got up and looked down at Changkyun.

**"I don't wanna get home tonight."** He admitted. And oh, Changkyun knew he didn't want, too. 

**"I know the perfect place to go."**

  
  
  


The cold air of the night was enough to completely calm the alcohol in the boys' veins. The streets were weirdly quiet, but it was perfect for them. As the light shone on Changkyun's face, the oldest boy thought he looked good. He felt good, light. The silence was luckily not awkward that night, more comforting, as they walked side to side with their hands in their pockets.

**"Wait, where are you taking me?"** Asked Kihyun suddenly with a look of panic on his face. The trees in front of him looked very much terrifying and he could only wonder why his classmate would bring him into the forest. Did he have some weird projects? Would he kill him? A satanic ritual?  **"Don't look so scared!"** Interrupted the youngest man with a loud laugh. The panic on his lover's face was just priceless.

**"Asshole, don't laugh at me! Where are we in the forest?! I don't trust you!"** Kihyun looked irritated, but that only made Changkyun smile wider. It was always so funny to rile up the brunette. Even while claiming to not trust him, Kihyun was still walking to his side and making no attempt to go away or escape. 

**"You're so scared you keep following me, wow."** Oh, Kihyun hated the smile on his classmate's face. He rolled his eyes, sighing loudly. He didn't like to be in the forest, especially not at night time. Everything was so dark and anyone(or anything) could jump on them at any moment. He didn't want to die eaten by some weird animals! Or sacrificed by Changkyun, if his fears were true. Kihyun could feel his heart thumping in his chest loudly, body tensing. At least, it was before a hand caught his, which brought him out of his reverie.

**"When I was young I built a treehouse. Sometimes when it's not too cold, I go back to it and spend the night there."**

Changkyun kept Kihyun by his side, holding his hand to comfort him. Kihyun started to feel more at ease but also wanted to laugh because of a treehouse? Really?

**"What? How old are you?"**

They both laughed as they stumbled through the woods, Kihyun no longer scared. His dongsaeng's presence was weirdly comforting and he secretly did not want to stop holding his hand. It was so soft, so warm in his, and he felt like he could go anywhere in the world if Changkyun was there to hold him that way. Maybe Changkyun thought the same and thought Kihyun looked very cute when he was scared. He almost wanted to tease him more.

**"Let me be! My treehouse is super luxurious you'll know!"**

**"Oh yeah sure, Bob the builder."**

Throughout their long walk, they couldn't stop laughing and smiling. And when they arrived in front of said treehouse, sane and safe, the younger man stood still in front of the "stairs". It confused Kihyun, who was waiting for his friend to go first.

**"Aren't you going?"** Changkyun only smiled, letting go of Kihyun's hand before replying:  **"Nah, go ahead first. So if you fall I can catch you, it would be a shame if you got hurt."**

Under his breath, Kihyun swore at the lameness of the saying as he started climbing. Inside, though, he could feel his heart beating louder and his cheeks become redder.  _ That was cute.  _

**"You can climb, mister the gentleman,"** declared the brunette as if he wasn't very flustered by the blonde's last statement. Said boy was smiling proudly, he loved to make his hyung react so strongly every time. It also stroked his ego a bit. Nonetheless, he climbed too, sitting on the wooden cold floor.

**"Are we gonna sleep on the floor?"**

**"Do you see a bed here?"**

Kihyun pouted, and Changkyun swore his heart busted at the sight. The older was  _ very cute  _ acting like a little child, his cheeks so full he wanted to play with them and pinch them.  _ He lowkey looks like a hamster,  _ then thought the blonde.  _ A cute little hamster-What am I thinking? _

**"But the floor is cold, I don't wanna catch something!"** Complained the oldest with an unhappy look on his face.  _ Ah, what a child,  _ Changkyun thought as he sighed and wrapped the older in a sudden embrace. They were now both laying on the cold floor, Changkyun's chest right against Kihyun's back. The latter could feel the warm body against him and the arms holding his waist tightly, so much that his face was now bright red. He was glad the other couldn't see him, otherwise, he'd get teased-

**"I know you're blushing, by the way."**

Kihyun could hear the smirk in the blonde's voice, and he hated it. Changkyun was so fucking annoying! Kihyun would sleep on the floor alone if he wasn't so cold.

**"Asshole."**

The oldest man could feel Changkyun's lips curl into a wider smile on his neck.

**"You know I love you."**

At that, Kihyun couldn't help the smile that spread onto his face. 

**"I do too."**

  
  
  



	11. Sweet chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pure shit but I can't find a way to word it better and I needed something to do a in-between. No smut, tho talking a bit about it, very short and soft, changki are soft bois <3

It was weird how life works sometimes. The most unexpected people can come into tours and change everything in only one night; that was kind of what happened between Changkyun and Kihyun. As the days progressed, the boys were starting to get closer, even to the eyes of their common friends. They were surprised but really happy, as they had been waiting for this for years. Was it how they sometimes stayed after school to work together or the way Changkyun put his gummy bears in his hyung's mouth one dinner and forced him to eat until they were all almost crying of laughter, everything seemed to go for the best. The job at the bar was actually very fun, plus they could pass time together that way.

_ "Where's the idiot now?" Kihyun's loud voice echoed through the room, his eyes roaming at the search for someone. _

_ "I'm there!" Replied an enthusiastic Changkyun behind him. _

_ "For once I'm not talking about you." The look they shared was enough to make them laugh loudly, the ambiance light and calm. _

Or was it the piano in the back of the room, that Changkyun surprised Kihyun using once.

_ "O-oh sorry, I'-I'll stop play-" _

_ "No, go ahead. I like it." Interrupted Changkyun, with the sweetest smile on his face. This led to a weekly tradition; as soon as they could, Kihyun would sometimes sit at the piano and play all night while Changkyun did both of their jobs and hummed in the beat of the melody. _

Or even the evening where they started working on their oral together. It ended up in Kihyun getting yelled at by his mother for dancing and singing loudly "touch my body" by Sistar but it was entirely worth it. 

There were the nights where they would give themselves to each other, too. Their secret nights, in the intimacy of any place they might come across. The kisses they shared all night, how they marked each other until their skin was like a ground battle. The way they filled each other up, left no place for air or anything else in-between; their two bodies becoming one until the nirvana hit them. Everything was worth it if it meant they could find each other for a few moments that never failed to leave them breathless and sated.


	12. Not mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun's world shatters

_"All men and women under the spell will remain a dangerous attraction"_

The music was loud through the speakers, making Kihyun surprised he wasn't bleeding yet. He was thoroughly washing some plates and glasses the customers left at the bar. His eyes were always peeking to where he could see Changkyun stand next to the stand. Kihyun thought he looked absolutely gorgeous under the low, cheap lighting of the bar. The neons were doing that weird buzzing sound that always left Kihyun's skin itching, but if it meant staring at Changkyun in all his glory, he didn't mind one bit. He could very honestly spend hours watching his classmate, though he'd rather do more... Non-catholic activities if you'd ask him, especially at this moment. Kihyun still remembered the nights spent against that counter after their boss let them close the boss.

_"Oh fuck, fuck, Chang!"_

_Changkyun's eyes were shut tight, eyebrows scrunching as he tried his best to hit that spot that would make Kihyun scream his name the loudest. His hands were also roaming all over his lover's body, gripping and touching as much as he could. They couldn't get enough of each other, hands everywhere and kissing messily. Nothing mattered more than the feeling of fucking each other until too tired to speak, or do anything. They had to do it, to stay sane; Changkyun was the only thing keeping Kihyun sane and vice versa. It wasn't too long before the older man found his release, not caring about dirtying the counter. He knew they'd be going at many rounds anyways, would clean everything in the morning, and go home as nothing happened. Even if both their parents were becoming more and more reckless, none of them cared. The only thing was finding each other._

The way Changkyun's lips moved as he talked to what Kihyun guessed was Hyunwoo was hypnotizing him. His lips, endlessly soft lips...He had grown addicted to it. Missed them already, even though Changkyun kissed him before going to work this evening.

_"Hey Kihyun,"_ _Changkyun was looking insistently at his lover as the latter was fixing his work uniform. Through the mirror, he could see his dongsaeng's pouty, childish face. That made him release a sigh._

_"What is it?"_

_"You got something on your lips." At this, Kihyun turned around confused. He tried to wipe it off by himself, but saw and felt nothing._

_"Let me," had declared Changkyun as he got up and kissed him. The smile on his face when Kihyun froze and answered the kiss after annoyed the brunette. "Go to hell." He spat hatefully._

_"And leave you here all alone?" Changkyun's tone was too cocky, Kihyun had had no other choice but to slap him on the shoulder, hard._

The simple thought made Kihyun smile harder than he should've before he turned back to his work. He still had a long night ahead and a lot of customers, but the thought of finding Changkyun after was enough to keep him going. Especially later, when Changkyun got on stage. Kihyun would've never thought his dongsaeng would be so talented and impressive, but he was. His voice was enough to send anyone to heaven and the brunette wondered how his parents failed to see their son's potential. He couldn't wait to see Changkyun grow even more and become an even better artist than he was now. It would be magical. 

What surprised the older man was, though, when he failed to see his lover after his stage. He wanted to congratulate him, as he always did, but the latter was nowhere to be seen. Kihyun didn't really care about this, guessing he probably was with Hyunwoo or some friends of his a bit further away. He wasn't his mom anyways, Changkyun was old enough to do what he wanted; Kihyun could catch him up later. Except, that later never came and he was left wondering where the hell his friend was as the bar was becoming more and more empty. Where the hell was he? Kihyun was becoming very worried at the idea of something happening to Changkyun.

**"Goodbye Ki, take care of the maknae if you see him!"**

It was Hyunwoo, putting on his jacket. Wasn't Changkyun supposed to be with him? What has been doing all this time?

**"You're not with him?..."**

The oldest man shook his head no. 

**"Nope, went with a girl in the backroom, guess you don't need a drawing, right?"** Said Hyunwoo with a laugh, smiling kindly. After this, he hugged his friend goodbye and made his way home, leaving Kihyun there. Frozen. The glass he was holding fell on the ground, shattering just like his heart. He couldn't breathe, couldn't move, could just feel his heart slowly breaking and taking every part of his happiness with it. It was like the world just stopped and-

 **"KIHYUN, CLEAN THIS UP!"** The loud voice of his boss startled the young man, who stumbled and stepped on the glass. It caused him to fall on it, his palm opening and releasing blood on the ground. It hurted, it really did, but somehow felt good. Kihyun allowed himself to close his eyes and take a deep breath. _It had been so long he didn't feel the release of the pain, how it took his mind off the pain in his heart._

 **"Y-yes Sunbaemin,"** was all that Kihyun could reply after a few moments as he started picking the glass up. He wasn't even caring about opening his skin, blood pooling on the floor. He'd clean the blood after. And when he was done and was indeed cleaning the blood, all he could think was _why?_

He wanted to laugh at himself for being so stupid, for believing Im Changkyun could ever love him or truly care about him. Of course, he wouldn't, why would he start caring about his childhood enemy one day? It was probably out of pity, or an act. Changkyun had always been somehow of an attention-seeking and Kihyun had been the perfect victim those last times, there to satisfy his needs. The brunette felt sick thinking about how he gave his body, mind, and heart to someone who played behind his back all along, who was never true with what he meant. All those I love you meant truly nothing. He couldn't believe he was naive enough to open his heart to the man he hated all his life only for it to get broken, as expected. He should've known, but Kihyun had always been too hopeful. He felt so angry. 

**"Are you o-"**

Kihyun was now washing the resting glasses aggressively, crying. He didn't care, didn't want to talk about this with his coworker. 

**"Yes."** His tone of voice was enough to scare the man, who left him alone. Kihyun just wanted to go home now, finish his shift and never fucking see I'm Changkyun's cocky face unless he could punch him. Yet...He had always been unable to leave without answers. He wanted to know why, even if it would break him. So he waited while cursing himself, just wishing for the voices to stop. _Fuck you for making me believe I wasn't useless, for thinking I could be loved._

Nothing could have prepared him for the sight of Changkyun getting out of the supply closet with this woman, hair disheveled and a few love bites in his neck. Her lipstick was still smeared on his shin. Kihyun was glad she went away immediately, feeling like he would've jumped on her otherwise; though now he had to confront Changkyun. It wasn't the first time he saw the youngest in such a state, but the first time he cared. It hurted him so much.

_I'm getting left again. My father, my mother, everyone. Now you? Why did I let you go in my heart?_

**"You had your fun?"** Kihyun didn't intend his voice to be so rude and cold but he didn't give a damn. He also knew how miserable he looked, eyes red and hands still full of blood because he cut himself many times by accident. Changkyun was reaching for his jacket at the moment and turned around, startled by the older's state.

**"Wow, chill. You're not my mom."**

And he had the _audacity!_ to roll his eyes and sigh as he dressed up. Why would Kihyun be so mad? He did what he wanted. He had nothing to owe him.

**"No, I'm not. You probably don't fuck and tell your mom you love her, uh?"**

At this, the blonde's eyes opened wide. He looked confused as if he didn't understand why Kihyun was saying such a thing. It only angered the latter more. Was he such a toy that Changkyun didn't see why he would be hurt?

 **"What's the fucking common? Are you jealous? Didn't know you were my boyfriend now."** Answered Changkyun defensively. Kihyun looked so out of himself, so hurt that his lover didn't understand. Did he think he could control him too? He wasn't owned by anyone. 

**"You're just a fucking asshole! What's wrong with you?! You're really just a playboy!"** Kihyun was so close to crying out of anger now, his fist closed tightly and shaking from restraint. 

**"Don't tell me you thought that I loved you?"**

That was the only thing Changkyun could come up with, defensively and hurt by his friend's words. He wasn't a playboy! Nonetheless, as soon as the words escaped his mouth, he regretted them. That's not what he wanted to say.

Kihyun's face fell, his heart breaking his last pieces on the ground. He knew it, but hearing it from Changkyun was horrible. He felt dirty, played on, so stupid. His body started shaking, _don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._ The pain in his chest was worse than any pain he'd ever felt in his whole life.

**"Kihyun, that's not what I m-"**

The younger boy was quickly cut by Kihyun taking aggressively his things. 

**"Shut the fuck up and never get close to me again or I'll make sure your teeth fall off your mouth."** The brunette's tone was so aggressive, cold; just like it had been all their life before all their story started. Changkyun felt the stupidest he ever felt because that's not what he meant. His head was still thinking weirdly because of the alcohol; _again he drank too much._

**Was he becoming like his father?**

**"Fuck you."** Were Kihyun's last words as he exited the building, running so fast his body physically ached. It felt good in a sense, to forget the pain that way. For the first time in years, he felt weirdly satisfied to know he'd get home to being hit; it was great to forget.


	13. Liquor talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changkyun's pov

For someone with an IQ as high as his, Changkyun could be very dumb sometimes. That was something he had been told his whole life, mostly by his parents, and something he absolutely hated too. Though, now, he could see how true it was. Ever since that night in the bar, Changkyun was convinced he had the emotional intelligence of a rock. 

It was no secret to himself that he was bad at feelings, he always knew it. He always hated talking about what he felt, mostly because he didn't know how to describe it. He had always been uncomfortable with it, with sharing them and opening up to people. What was worth it when they always ended up leaving you in the end or using it against you? Changkyun learned very young to not expect much from people, no matter how much they could say or do. A lot of them were sweet talkers with nothing more than lies and pretty fantasies to sell, so the blonde learned to ignore his own heart. To never let it get involved, and if it did, act as nothing happened. With Kihyun, that's exactly what he did.  _ It's not like he'd ever love a useless guy like me, right? _

The worst was that he felt so dirty that night, doing things with this girl he ignored the name of. He hated doing that, hated having to pretend it was her he wanted. He felt so guilty of using her to forget how Kihyun looked gorgeous that night, how much he would have given to step down the stage and go kiss him, claim him in front of everyone. No matter how annoying he could be sometimes, Changkyun was ready to get annoyed all his life if it meant passing his life with Kihyun. The oldest boy had owned his body and heart for so, so long. Way longer than Changkyun had ever been ready to admit, in fact. He still remembered how, when he was starting to get a bit older, he was always looking at his hyung instead of other girls like his friend. How Kihyun would never spare him a glance, yet Changkyun would secretly write poems about him once home. He had never understood why the brunette hated him, had been very hurt by it the first years of his life. Everyone in the group loved him except Kihyun! What had he done wrong? 

Changkyun had searched for Kihyun's approval for a long, long time. All his childhood, getting dismissed each time. With the time passing, especially with his unrequited crush, that admiration for his eldest transformed into anger.  _ What did I ever do to you?! Why do you hate me so fucking much?? _

Somehow, that way, it had felt better. He finally had Kihyun's attention. Sure, not in a good way, but it was better than nothing. With the time passing even more, and the day they had detention...Changkyun had found himself falling for Kihyun again, hiding it by fear of being hurt again. Which was stupid, because he got what he wanted and wasted it.  _ Kihyun finally loved me and I found nothing else than to hurt him in the time he needed me the most. Great Changkyun. _

He hated himself so much for it, hated how the atmosphere at school had become. Their friends had asked him why it became so cold again, like before, and Changkyun bullshited something about how Kihyun was just really annoying and he couldn't stand him in reality. Meanwhile, inside, all the blonde could think was  _ please look at me.  _ He was ready to drop on his knees to at least have one single look from Kihyun, anything. Anything other than his cold, hurt look that broke Changkyun's heart every time.  _ It's my fault. I caused this. You're so fucking useless Changkyun. _

And now, staring at his bottle of whiskey, he knew no alcohol could fix this. He just wanted to go back, fix the mess he made and do something good for once. But that was something straight out of a movie. He wanted to scream, begging for Kihyun to please leave him a chance. To not let him suffer like this alone. Maybe this was what he deserved, to understand the hurt Kihyun had felt too. Every day, Changkyun even had the impression it was getting better and better for his ex-lover. 

That thought killed him and made him glad at the same time. It was so selfish, wanting Kihyun to suffer with him so he wouldn't be the only one hurt even when it was entirely his fault. He was head over heels and he felt so fucking dumb for wasting his only chance of being happy. Yet, he drank another sip of alcohol. His head felt so dizzy, he knew he drank too much again. That only made him feel more horrible and laugh bitterly at the stupidity of his own comportment; before he blacked out against the pavement.

**"Wake up!"** The voice was weirdly familiar, his body shaking repeatedly. Changkyun's head throbbed like crazy and he could almost feel his heart jumping out of his chest with nausea. Why was he so dumb? Drinking was not worth it.

**"Are you okay?"** The voice. This time, Changkyun recognized it instantly. He quickly opened his eyes, his breath stuck in his throat. Kihyun was there, dressed in a hoodie he knew was his-That the oldest stole long ago. He looked worried, his hands on the blonde's shoulder. _ Am I dreaming? I must be dreaming. _

**"K-Kihyun...Kihyun, I'm sorry…"** Changkyun's voice was so soft, so sincere that Kihyun felt his heart tighten painfully in his chest. He hated seeing his dongsaeng like that, and still wanted to protect him.

**"I know, I know,"** A sigh escaped his lips. He took Changkyun's pliant body in his arms.  **"I know you are, Changkyun. I'm sorry too...Just-Let's go home, okay?"**

**"I don't wanna go home tonight,"** Was the only thing Changkyun was able to mutter as he was being dragged by his classmate. It felt good, to feel the warmth of his body...Even if it wasn't in the best setting. He'd be okay with anything as long as Kihyun was close.

**"Okay, let's go to your stupid forsaken treehouse. If I get eaten by a bear, that's your fault. You'll have my death on your conscience."**

Hearing Kihyun's faux annoyed tone made Changkyun smile and laugh a bit because the smallest man was so dramatic sometimes and it never failed to amuse him.  _ He had missed Kihyun so much.  _ Hearing the latter groan and holding him tighter as they made their way towards the treehouse kept the youngest awake, smiling dumbly. It took quite some time to get him up there, but once it was done, Changkyun couldn't help the wave of guilt that washed through him.  _ He couldn't stand there and watch his hyung in the eyes after what he did.  _

**"I-I'm sorry…"** Changkyun only said again, because that's all he could do. He hurt Kihyun so much yet the oldest still came to help him; Changkyun truly didn't deserve him.

**"I know you're better off without me...You can leave you know…"** and he smiled sadly. It hurt, but he just wanted the best for Kihyun. The latter only sighed and quirked an eyebrow at the sentence.

**"You're so fucking dumb for someone who's so smart, you know that?"**

Through his drunken state, Changkyun had a lot of difficulties understanding what Kihyun was referring to. Wasn't he saying the truth? Anyone would be better off without him. 

**"I'm in love with you, don't think I'm happy you're gone."** Kihyun seemed annoyed, and he did the infuriating move where he pinched the bridge of his nose. Usually, it would annoy the hell out of Changkyun, but right now? He found it adorable. Comforting, even, in a way. Like everything was slowly coming back to usual. To the time where they hated each other too much for it to really be hate. They were spending too much time affected by the other to pretend it was just pure anger and hate.

**"Oh for real?"**

Kihyun sighed again, he looked so tired. It made Changkyun chuckle.

**"I won't say it twice."**

The blonde-haired boy couldn't help the smile that spread on his face, feeling like his heart was slowly being fixed. Kihyun always had his heart, and every time he left, he left with pieces of it. Now that he was coming back, Changkyun felt his heart slowly becoming full again and he wouldn't have it any other way. For now, just having Kihyun close was enough.

**"I do too… I'm just dumb."**

The older man smiled softly, teasingly. It was his turn to grin like that, and for all the times Changkyun did, he couldn't complain.

**"I know. But I am too."**

It wasn't long before Kihyun's arms were wrapped around the youngest's waist, pulling him close and keeping him warm. They could've been in Alaska on the cold snow that Changkyun would've been happy; nothing truly mattered when Kihyun was around him, pulling him close. He didn't waste time falling asleep in the comforting embrace.


	14. Love you like crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter oh god 😭 I feel emotive. Thank you so much for following this fiction, it means so much to me. A big, big thank you to Evayne who's actually my main reason for keeping this fic, you're such a big help <3
> 
> Enjoy! Its fluff and a bit of angst, but mostly fluff

Sunshine was peeking through the tiny window, eventually waking Changkyun up. His head throbbed like crazy and his mouth was dry with that, familiar yes but unpleasant taste. Nevertheless, he could hear a faint tone next to him. A voice he took some seconds to identify before finally understanding.  _ Oh, Kihyun! _

Changkyun truly wasn't expecting his lover to stay by his side once morning came, but here he was, singing softly and doing god knows what. He could hear the ruffling behind him and the young boy wondered what he should do. Should he speak? Or would it be a bad move? He couldn't stand Kihyun leaving again.

**"Ki-"** The boy was quickly cut by his counterpart.  **"Good morning, you should drink this first."**

Kihyun's voice was sweet, so sweet that Changkyun wanted to cry. He distantly understood that his classmate went on his way to buy him breakfast, seeing the sandwich and water bottle he was given. Kihyun was always so sweet and caring...Even if he hated walking in the woods, he did it for Changkyun…

**"Are you okay? Is your head still hurting?"**

He could see them, see the bags under Kihyun's eyes that proved he didn't have the easiest time without Changkyun. And while the latter felt guilty of that, he also felt a bit...Relieved. That meant Kihyun worried about him too, that he did change something in his lover's life. He then felt selfish of thinking such a thing and just ate silently, still avoiding the smallest's eyes. Instead of replying, he just nodded at both questions; his head may hurt, but he would be okay. 

**"Can we...Can we talk once you're done?"**

_ Oh, okay.  _ That was it. The moment that made Changkyun's whole body and mind feel like jelly. He suddenly wanted to run away and hide forever but knew he didn't have the choice. He needed that talk, needed to have a clear answer to what was happening and would happen; he couldn't keep running away forever. Though, he stayed afraid of what would come out of the said talk.  _ What if he hates me? What if I end up heartbroken?  _ Then, the youngest thought that he wasn't in a much better state. He couldn't leave worse than he came, right?

**"I'm...I'm sorry,"** started Kihyun.  **"I shouldn't have overreacted that way. If you want to do...Anything with any girls, I'm no one to oppose it. I'm sorry…"** The way, the way Kihyun spoke with such sincerity and apparent guilt made Changkyun's breath catch in his throat. He didn't want that girl, didn't want anything to do with anyone that wasn't Kihyun. How could the latter think he wasn't important enough? He was more important than anyone else. Never in his life had Changkyun opened his heart so raw to anybody else.  _ I'm so dumb, I risked it all just because I can't properly control my emotions!  _ Now, trying to remember the face of the girl, he couldn't even. Could only remember the feeling of disgust coursing through his body, could only think about how her lips burned his whole body in the worst sense. How he used someone to forget Kihyun like the biggest asshole, therefore hurting the boy he loved so much. He hated himself so much. 

Then, he turned around for the first time fully. The other looked so emotional, looking at the ground and...Was it tears that pooled in the corner of his eyes? Was Kihyun crying? That thought sent panic coursing through Changkyun's whole body. Kihyun never cried, never showed any true emotions. It was like seeing his facade crumble, fall, see what really went inside his heart. As much as he was grateful for it, it wasn't pleasant to see. He hated hurting his older lover like that and didn't know what to do to fix it. He felt frozen. Couldn't breathe anymore, his throat tightening around nothing. 

**"I don't want you to leave me like that...I'm so sorry, I don't wanna o-overstep the line…"** Here was Kihyun, apologizing while crying for doing something absolutely normal and logical. Changkyun felt like a dick at the moment. He remembered the way he got up every day, the screams and slaps he was the victim of. When he felt like existing was a waste of time, that everything was useless and stupid...Kihyun could change that in a snap of his fingers. He was the one thing keeping him up and somewhat okay, either with only a smile or a touch. He was the last thing lingering in his mind before he fell asleep, the reason he felt excited and looked forward to the future-Him who used to despise the mere thought of growing up. How could Changkyun ever think of trying to hide his feelings? How stupid was he?

At this moment, finally, he felt like moving. The first thing his mind made him do was wrapping his arms around Kihyun as hard as he could, keeping the other close. Changkyun could feel the latter's loud heartbeat against his chest, his own heart beating so loud it could break out of his torso. Kihyun was always the reason why.

**"I don't wanna leave, hyung. You're all that I've got...I don't want you to hate me…"** At the end of his answer, Changkyun felt his voice start to shake. It broke down at the end, leaving him crying pathetically against his lover's chest. He couldn't hold back those tears, weeks of feelings overwhelming him. And when Kihyun held him back as close as he could too, Changkyun knew he never felt more vulnerable and safe in his whole life.

**"I could never hate you, dumbass. Would I cry for you if I hated you? I'm sorry…"** The older man was repeating himself, saying sorry over and over. His whole body felt like burning, his heart so loud he was surprised it didn't explode yet. In the forest, with some birds chirping and the cold wind hitting the thin windows, the atmosphere felt so fragile and raw. Kihyun wouldn't exchange it for anything in the world; not when Changkyun was so close. They both felt  _ alive.  _

**"So can we stop this?"** The blonde asked as he slowly lifted his head. Some silent tears were still sliding down his cheeks, his eyes red but he didn't care. Kihyun instead reached a finger to wipe it away softly, making his partner shiver. This touch felt so intimate.  **"Stop what?"**

**"Being so stupid and trying to hide what's obvious."**

Despite the tears running down his cheeks too, at this instant, Kihyun felt a large smile spreading on his face. 

**"Yeah, let's do that."** Both Kihyun and Changkyun had always been rather simple men when it came to love. Even if they loved each other, neither of them felt the need for the biggest demonstration or a 10 minutes monologue with words way too complicated. Just saying it like that was alright; agreeing to stay together no matter what was the biggest proof of love. They didn't need anything else but the other's presence to feel alive and happy. Knowing them, there would be many misunderstandings in the future for sure; two dumbasses bad with feelings and communication won't always do the best mix. However, for them, it was the  _ best _ and exactly what they wanted. Kihyun knew they could work it out together.

**"So...Wanna...Be mine?"**

Kihyun smiled wider and Changkyun knew he didn't want any other sight after waking up. That's what he wanted to see every day, wake up to, and kiss. He loved Kihyun so much he felt his heart might not take it any longer, but he would  _ not reveal that _ . He knew the teasing would be infernal, and the thought made him smile too because maybe he loved how Kihyun teased him so much. 

**"Aren't I already?"**

That was exactly what the blonde needed to hear. They both smiled, widely, and Changkyun leaned on his -now-boyfriend's chest while thinking he never felt better. 

**"You owe me a big one though, I almost got killed walking to the grocery store for you you know!"**

Changkyun smiled widely, ignoring his own heart beating so loud from such a simple thing. He just felt like finally getting his Kihyun back.

**"You're stressing over nothing baby, relax~"**

**"Yeah, tell me about it when I die and I** **_leave you alone crying all your tears!"_ **

**"So dramatic I swear-Ouch!"** Maybe Changkyun deserved the gentle slap he got on the shoulder. Behind him, Kihyun was grinning in that horrible way.  _ Oh, maybe he needs to be punched too.  _

Changkyun decided kissing him was better.


End file.
